Kyra Hart - Scarlet Pomers
Elizabeth Montgomery - Gabrielle
Reba Hart - Reba McEntire
Brock Hart - Christopher Rich
Barbra Jean Hart - Melissa Peterman
Jake Hart - Mitch Holleman
Cheyenne Montgomery - JoAnna Garcia
Van Montgomery - Steve Howey
Kyra - Come on, sweet baby. Crawl to Aunt Kyra, I know you can do, it yes you can. Woodgie Woodgie Woodgie!
Reba - Oh so you do have a heart? I hope it'll stick to the tape.
Kyra - Oh my gosh mom! She did it! She crawled!
Reba - Oh ho ho you big girl, yes you did, ya you crawled come on and do it again… come on! Kyra do your baby talk.
Kyra - I don't know what she's talking about, granny's had some cider.
Reba - Knock it off. I want to try to capture all of the important moments in Elizabeth's life.
Kyra - Oh sure… just like you did with Jake? The only video we have of him is you going to the hospital to deliver him, and that's only because dad had a new car.
Reba - Yeah you're right. But I'm going to do this for Elizabeth, I want to do a video for her so later on, she knows how much she's meant to us.
Kyra - You mean so when she runs away she'll know why?
Reba - And there goes aunt Kyra, off to practice her cheerleading. Come on Elizabeth run away from grandma like aunt Kyra did, come on, come on, Woodgie Woodgie Woodgie, oh there she goes oh yeah.
Theme Song plays.
Cheyenne - I've gotta tell you mom, making this video for Elizabeth was an awesome idea.
Van - What if I say something stupid on the tape?
Kyra - If?
Barbra Jean - Oh this is so exciting! Being on the set, that's movie talk and Reba since you're the director, you need to call action. And when we're all done, that's called a wrap.
Brock - Barbra Jean… take five.
Reba - Okay, does everybody know what they're going to say to Elizabeth?
Jake - I'm mad at Elizabeth, she put my gameboy in the toilet.
Van - Okay, I'm going to tell Elizabeth that she's a pearl on the necklace of life.
All - Awww
Brock - That's really nice Van. (Chuckles)
Reba - Okay everybody just act natural and be yourselves.
Kyra - That's impossible, have you ever heard of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle? The observer changes the nature of the observed.
Van - No, but I have heard the one about the man from Nantucket! (Laughs) up high!
Reba - Okay Kyra, you go first.
Kyra - You really want me to act natural?
Reba - Yeah.
Kyra - Okay I'm going to the mall.
Reba - Okay Van you're up.
Van - But why do I have to go first? Cheyenne why don't you go first.
Cheyenne - No way! Nobody ever pays attention to the person who goes first. Mom you go.
Reba - No I'm going last!
Cheyenne - Why do you get to go last?
Reba - 'Cause I didn't get pregnant when I was seventeen, that's why!
Barbra Jean - Reba you can't expect to preform in front of everybody! You got to do it in private, that way you can organize and theorize without the pressure of all you're eyes!
Brock - She's been listening to a lot of rap music lately.
Reba - You've got a good point there, this might be easier if we did this without everybody watching.
Cheyenne - Yeah, we can set the camera up in out bedroom.
Reba - Okay let's go.
Barbra Jean - Oooh, we're going on location!
Reba - Okay just about set.
Van - Hey how's my hair?
Barbra Jean - Fine, hey how's mine?
Van - Fine, no wait… yeah.
Reba - Alright, when it's your turn; sit right there where Jake is and turn on the camera with this remote. Now Brock got the short straw so he goes first.
Brock - Hey bud, you sure you don't want to go first with that pearl line? You know it's always good to open with a joke!
Van - Just go first, short straw.
Brock - So, Kyra's really not going to do this huh?
Reba - Aah you know Kyra, she's at that age where she doesn't want to be a part of the family… you hit that age around forty, right Brock?
Brock - Ugh, so, hi there Elizabeth, well you're my first grandchild and that means the world to me, you see my boy henry, you're uncle was born the same year, pretty wild year, but by the time you see this you'll probably heard some sorted stories about Barbra Jean. Now I just want to take this opportunity to set the record straight… okay, what really happened was-
Reba - Elizabeth is gonna love this!
Cheyenne - That tape was so hard I almost cried like twice.
Van - Is that what that noise was?
Cheyenne - What? You were listening at the door?!
Van - Well I tried, but I couldn't hear you or your dad. And usually your voice cuts through, anything.
Brock - Hey! That was supposed to be private!
Reba - What's the big deal Brock? What horrible evil things did you say?!
Van - Yeah Mr. H, what are you so worried about?
Brock - (laughs nervously) Nothing, I just-I got a-a little mushy, and it's embarrassing. Yeah nobody likes a sensitive dentist. (chuckles)
Van - He said something stupid! Let's watch it!
Brock - No!
Reba - No, nobody's gonna watch anything!
Barbra Jean - 'Cause you got something to hide?
Reba - What?
Barbra Jean - You said something bad about me!
Reba - That's what I forgot!
Brock - Alright, look, look, everybody… okay now let's just calm down, Reba, when are you taking the tape to the safe deposit box?
Reba - Monday morning.
Brock - Fine, I'll drop it off here on my way to work.
Reba - Hey hey hey, what do you think you're doing?!
Brock - Alright there are two of us and three of you, which means statistically there's a greater chance of betrayal if the tape stays here than if it goes with us.
Barbra Jean - Math don't lie!
Reba - Yeah but Brock does! I'm going to keep it safe and sound right here in this cabinet. Mmm hmm…
Brock - Okay fine, but come Monday morning, I am going to the bank with you.
Barbra Jean - And you can take that to the bank! get it Brock, to the bank…
Brock - Yeah yeah let's just go.
Van - What did you say on the tape?
Cheyenne - For the millionth time Van, I cannot tell you.
Van - What did you say on the tape?
Brock - Hey, have you guys eaten yet?
All - No.
Brock - Aw great we've got something to show you.
Barbra Jean - Ta-da!
Reba - You came all the way over here to show us a cooking gadget?
Barbra Jean - Not just any cooking gadget, the George foreman lean mean a-grillin' a-machine!
Van - Well how does it work?
Barbra Jean - I'm glad you asked Van, you can cook chicken and beef, but the fat runs into the pan, not into your food. it's a party for your taste buds, without the hangover for your waistline! it practically has a mind of it's own! every meal it yells: Reba's comin' Reba's comin'!
Reba - Brock what the heck do you think you're doing?!
Brock - Nothing.
Reba - He was trying to switch the tapes you tape-switcher!
Cheyenne - It that true dad?
Brock - I was just nervous about what I said.
Reba - You two should be ashamed of yourselves… (gasps) the tape has been moved! and the lock has been picked!!!
Brock - I didn't touch it! I-I was going to but I didn't, honest.
Reba - Well somebody moved the tape so who was it, come on, whoever did it just admit it.
Van - Aaah, mmm hmm, it was Cheyenne! she's got ice in her veins.
Cheyenne - It was not me! no Van it was probably you I mean you kept asking me what I said on the tape just to throw me off! And then you accused me to throw me off even more!
Van - I am not that clever! hah!
Cheyenne - Well I know who it was. It was mom! Mmm hmm!
All - (gasp)
Reba - I'm the one who told everyone that the tape had been moved, if I watched it, why would I tell on myself?!
Brock - Alright she's got a point right there.
Reba - One person watched everything on this tape, if somebody, doesn't speak up, we're all going to sit right down and watch it together! it's the only fair thing to do.
Brock - Come on somebody, confess!
Reba - Okay then.
Brock - No! Reba no hey no, Reba I think you're making a huge mistake!
Reba - (laughs) says the man who married Barbra Jean.
Brock (On Tape) - Well it's kind of a funny story actually, see, your grandma Reba and I sat down and decided, together, that we didn't want to be married anymore and then a long, long time after that, at least a year, maybe more, Barbra Jean came to work for me at my office, even though the attraction was strong, we waited until long after the divorce was final before, we went out for coffee, that's what really happened.
Reba - Very nice Brock.
Brock - I was telling her the story and it sounded bad. so I decided to fib a little and that made it even worse and I wanted to change the tape.
Barbra Jean - Are you ashamed of me Brock?
Brock - No of course not honey I love you.
Reba - Not on my couch!
Brock (On Tape) - And so, in one crazy year, I was blessed with two babies. all I can hope for you is that you realize that you have the best women in the whole world as examples, there's nobody better than your grandma Reba and your mom, they love you more than you know, and so do I. be good.
Barbra Jean - I guess, I'm not one of the best women in the world!?
Brock - I was speaking in the context of Elizabeth's life!
Barbra Jean - Yeah, uh huh, sure you were. I'm just- I'm glad I know where I stand with you. Down in the gutter with the common folk!
Reba - Hey common folk, zip it!
Cheyenne (On Tape) - Hi there sweetie, this is so nerve wracking speaking to you like this, there's so much I wanna say, I mean wow, where do I start, so much to say, like a lot.
Van - Apparently not.
Cheyenne - Shut up Van.
Cheyenne (On Tape) - Uh, you being here has made me grow up so much, I was in high school worried about stuff like the drill team and then you came along, and showed me what life is all about. You have a great family, and a great dad who is so wonderful, and I'm sure that by the time you see this, he's gonna be a great man.
Van - I'll be a great man?
Cheyenne - What's wrong with that?
Van - What? I'm not now?!
Reba - Van don't overreact! Cheyenne loves you!
Van - Yeah apparently she has high hopes for her big loser!
Cheyenne (On Tape) - And I hope that you love me as much as I love my mom. oh and I apologize in advance if I'm always in your face and a little controlling, it's how I was raised.
Reba - It's how I was raised? What does that mean? That I'm controlling?!
Brock - Oh yeah!
Barbra Jean - It has been mentioned!
Reba - Well, I bet Van disagrees!
Van - Don't overreact Mrs. H, Cheyenne loves you!
Reba - If that's the way you feel about it, fine!
Van (On Tape) - 'Sup, yo, hey I-I'm talking to you from our room.
Reba - controlling? I think that's a bunch of bull-hockey, that's what I think it is!
Van (On Tape) - We all sleep in here together, every night when I lay down and I hear you breathing, it makes me know that everything is right in the world. Well not everything like that pump at the gas station I mean I put a quarter in, and it didn't give me any air! Hello, it's air, it should be free! It's air! Okay wait Van focus here focus, I'm really glad you came along, because if you hadn't I'm sure I wouldn't have been married to your mom. You're the reason we're a family. Thank you… I love you.
Cheyenne - Stop the tape, Mom. (To Van) What the hell was that?!
Van - What?
Cheyenne - If it weren't for the baby you wouldn't have married me!?
Van - I'm just saying I was really young, and unless you were pregnant I probably would've been single for a while.
Cheyenne - Keep talkin' cowboy you might just get your wish!
Reba - Okay, okay, alright! easy does it here! Alright this is getting way too much out of hand, uh I think it would be a good idea if we don't watch anymore of the tape.
Brock - Oh yeah right, before we see yours? I don't think so.
Jake (On Tape) - I have one thing to say to you: The gameboy is not waterproof!
Barbra Jean - SHHH SHH SHH!
Barbra Jean (On Tape) - Gosh, last time I was being videotaped in a bedroom, I didn't know about it. Elizabeth, you're a very lucky little girl, and the only way I can express my feelings, is through song. This is a little diddy called, "Wind Beneath My Wings". (Harmonica Plays), Laaaaaaaa, (Sound Of Fast-Forwarding Tape).
Reba (On Tape) - Hey there my sweet lil' Elizabeth, this is your grandma. I want to tell you that no matter what, you can always come to me with any problems. If there's ever anything that you feel you can't tell your mama, I'll help you. And I will not judge you; I'll never betray your trust. I'm your safe place; safe from harm or judgement or retribution. As long as I'm on this earth, you'll have me. You are a pearl in the necklace of life.
Van - That was mine!!!
Reba - Well it sounded better coming from me than it would've from you!
Brock - You take from Van? He's the guy with the least to spare!
Cheyenne - Plus, how could you encourage my daughter to lie to me?! I'm her mother, not you!
Reba - I didn't tell her to lie!
Brock - Oh, you kinda, did Reba!
Barbra Jean - Oh yeah, and sometimes some of the best women in the world are liars!
Brock - Ohh my god.
Van - I wouldn't talk Mr. H, what you did was kinda low.
Brock - Oh really? Lower than telling your daughter you wouldn't have married her mom?
Van - Well maybe someday in the future I will be a better person 'cause right now I'm scum!
Cheyenne - Oh, you are such a child!
Van - No, you are!
Cheyenne - No, you are-no backsies!
Van - Okay, I want to re-record mine so I can use my material!
Reba - Oh no no no! Nobody's gonna re-record anything!
Brock - Maybe that's why they call you controlling!
Reba - Oh… well it would've been nice if you'd've been more controlling over what's in your pants!
Kyra (On Tape) - Hey there Elizabeth.
Reba - Kyra? Kyra took the tape! Sit Down Sit Down Come On!
Kyra (On Tape) - No matter what has said before me, I'm the only one you should trust. See, this family has it's issues. But I know that no matter what, when I get up in the morning, they'll always be there arguing and battling and then laughing about it later. You coming along has made this place even crazier, but it taught me that life is messy, unpredictable, tough, and sometimes really great. Really great. Oh, and you probably already know this by now, but watch out for my mom: She'll try to make you do stuff and be all controlling, but it's just because she wants you to have a good life; and she likes to hug a lot and it's gross. I love you kid. Hey, I just called someone kid! Woodgie Woodgie Woodgie!
Reba - Okay, nobody tell her we saw this tape.
Kyra - What?
All - Cooing.